Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
