Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize