My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
