We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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