what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
