there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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