I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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