she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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