they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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