K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
