My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
