wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
