i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
