You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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