peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think I just sharted jello shots
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
