i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
