I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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