When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like eating out sand paper
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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