we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
