Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
