she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
