Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
