I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
