have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
