I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
