There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
