Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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