Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
