yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You've changed since you got that strap on
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
