You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
