Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
