careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel great
I just peed on a car
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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