my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
