i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
