she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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