I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
