hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
