He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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