Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
