My room smells like vodka and shame
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
