I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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