you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
