I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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