If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
