They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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