I accidentally burped into my bong.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
