Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Drake has all the answers
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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