Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize