my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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