Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
