I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Randomize
