Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
