I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
