I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's the barista slut.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
