Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
