hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
