dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Sorry about my life...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
