We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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