It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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