I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
