from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
