i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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