and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
