We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
