life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
