please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
