This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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