Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
