i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
