look no pants
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
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