oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
