guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Randomize
