Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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