Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
