They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
